Real Housewives of New York star Sai de Silva discussed the end of her marriage and the difficult new chapter ahead following her separation.
The told PEOPLE that being vulnerable during her time on RHONY helped her approach her personal struggles differently. “I wish I could tell you that I am fine and I’m great and I’m pushing on. But I think that being vulnerable this season taught me a lot about opening up.”
The reality star says she once viewed vulnerability as a weakness, but now considers it a strength. “I’m going through is extremely difficult. My family dynamic is changing. And so for me, it’s just one step at a time.”
The cause of the split:
Sai said her decision to end the marriage wasn’t caused by one specific incident, but rather a “culmination of things” that left her feeling increasingly disconnected. “I just felt very lonely in my marriage,” she explained. “What I realized is if you’re not watering the seed, it’s not going to grow.”
The RHONY star acknowledged that both she and her husband played a role in the deterioration of their relationship. “He’s not only to blame, but so am I. We were no longer maintaining that marriage on both sides.”
Eventually, Sai reached a point where she no longer believed the marriage could be repaired. “I have nothing left. I’m tired,” she admitted.
Her children also played an important role in her decision. Sai says she realized they were beginning to notice that she wasn’t happy. “I think my children were beginning to see that I wasn’t at my happiest,” she says, adding that she believes she had made the decision internally “months before this came out.”
Sai says she especially wants her teenage daughter to understand that staying in an unhappy relationship isn’t necessarily the healthiest choice. “Kids are very perceptive. They can see when something’s not right,” she explains. “She deserves to see her parents happy.”
The Ex Factor:
Despite the end of their marriage, Sai says she has no interest in publicly speaking negatively about her ex. “At the end of the day, they’re kids,” she says. “We just keep them as safe as possible.”
The influencer says she doesn’t want her children to see her criticizing their father while simultaneously telling them that they come first. “What kind of person or mother would I be if I’m bashing him and then my teenage daughter is seeing this?”
Sai also doesn’t want to rewrite her entire marriage as something that was always bad. “I’m not the same person I was when I was 28 years old and I’m sure he’s not either,” she says. “Marriage, if you don’t grow together, you grow apart, and a lot of things have grown apart between us.”
