Confession: I had to watch last night’s episode of 90 Day Fiance The Other Way late because it didn’t record and I got home mid-broadcast. All that said, I will try to summarize the EPIC SH*TSHOW of what we witnessed as best I can without the aid of my trusty pals: Rewind and Pause.
As a result of this personal tragedy (thoughts and prayers go out to me retroactively at this time), I was left screaming and shaking my fists at the gods, tears running down my cheeks – much like Jenny in the aftermath of Sumit’s lies. Why do you DO me like this, DirecTV? WHYYYYY!?!?! Okay, let’s try this anyway.
Paul & Karine
It’s been two weeks since baby Pierre came into the world, and Paul and Karine are doing well. But they are still communicating via a Smartphone translator, so there’s definitely room for improvement. With Mother Paul on the way to Brazil, Karine is nervous that she’s gonna get judged/given a hairball. I mean, who knows what stories Paul has fed her over the years?
Upon arrival, Mother Paul (Mary) proceeds to sweat through all of her clothes. As one does. Karine is all dolled up (ie: showered) for the occasion, hugging Mary and proudly introducing her to her new grandson. “He’s so sweet!” coos Mary, thrilled to be holding Pierre for the first time.
Then someone off screen apparently hoses Mary down from head to freaking toe because this poor woman is literally DRIP-PING. Ahem – where’s that cooling vest, Paul? Help a motha out!
Corey & Evelin
Back in Washington, Corey and his mom, Linda, take down the Christmas tree and talk about the very sad passing of Corey’s father. Aww, man – this is truly heartbreaking. 🙁
Linda is stoic, but Corey knows the entire family hurts deeply. He’s not sure if he should even go back to Ecuador, knowing how torn up his family is – and how lukewarm Evelin has been with the idea of a marriage proposal.
“Do you think she’s ready for marriage?” asks Linda. Corey admits that he doesn’t, but he’s going to try anyway. OH LORD. This is a sad situation, and I think we can all hope for the best…but expect the worst.
Tiffany & Ronald
“How bad can a public hospital be?” stupidly asks Tiffany. She and Ronald are off to visit one of the government facilities that make Karine’s delivery center look like the Johns Hopkins. Upon viewing said facility, Tiffany is in shock about the curtained dividers between laboring mothers, with no private rooms in sight. Also, there’s overcrowding at times that limits room for the laboring mother’s partners to be present at the birth. “Wow,” says Tiffany, the undisputed queen of terrible planning.
Ronald promises that he’ll have the money for a private hospital birth, but Tiffany (and all of us) are wondering: HOW? WITH WHAT MONEY? No one knows. Maybe he’ll have gotten a paycheck from Jesus Camp by then. Or maybe there’s a fridge lying around somewhere that Ronnie can “borrow?”
Laura & Aladin
Over in Qatar, the first day of Laura and Aladin’s 3-day wedding is about to begin. But after Laura visits Liam in his room, she’s disappointed to learn that he has NO plans of showing up at this shindig. Ummmm…why’d he come, then?
Liam claims he’s jet-lagged, but he’s really not into celebrating this effed up relationship his mom’s in. “He’s just like the rest of the guys,” sighs Liam. “You’re gonna end up in another toxic relationship. You always end up in bad relationships with bad men, and Aladin’s no different.” Dayuuuuum. Liam is savage! But, yo, he speaketh the truth.
Laura doesn’t want to hear this, especially on her wedding day – and perhaps because she’s already married to the “forever soulmate” she met on Instagram. <side eye>
Bawling in the bathroom, Laura complains that Liam is the only person in her family she wanted there to celebrate, but he’s ruining it all. Liam doesn’t want to see his mother cry, but he can’t lie about his “read” on Aladin. In his opinion, Aladin is a controlling user who will ultimately make his mom miserable – just like the rest did. And I know that Liam is being a royal a$$hole about delivering this news to his mother, but he’s the only person in Laura’s life who’s personally witnessed her relationship patterns.
When Laura tells Aladin about her conversation with Liam, Aladin is pissed. “Come on, man, it’s MY day!” he complains. But if Liam wants to sulk in his room, so be it. There’s nothing they can do about it, so they should just make the most of the party without him. “It’s just like a knife through my heart,” says Laura, hurt about Liam’s choice to ice them out.
Jenny & Sumit
Never have I been more in need of a “rewind” option than during the scene in which Jenny explains what the actual f**k just happened with Sumit to a stunned camera crew who flew back to India one month after filming their last scene.
Here’s what I’ve got: Sumit’s father in law showed up at their apartment and told Jenny, “Sumit is married to my daughter and the rest of our families are on the way here.” HOLY EFFING HAIRBALLS! <Insert one billion screaming emoji faces here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>
Jenny obviously freaks out, claiming she had no idea that Sumit was married (for TWO YEARS) to another woman. Then the other woman actually shows up, along with the rest of the family. Afraid for her life, Jenny locks herself in the bedroom, then runs back to the living room after hearing a crash. Wait – what happened?!?
OMG! Mother Sumit has smashed Sumit’s personal shrine on the floor and the entire family is surrounding Sumit as he stands in a fighting stance to fend them off! When Jenny tries to intervene, Mother Sumit gives her an evil eye that might have actually put a legit death spell on her, so she backs the hell off.
Sumit proclaims his love for Jenny to the room before getting hauled off (to jail?!). Jenny sobs and screams, telling producers that Sumit’s family is threatening to have him arrested – and perhaps her too! Okay, no more joking. Homegirl needs to pack up her sh*t and get out of here. “I don’t belong here,” wails Jenny.
If this is all true, then the camera crew better scoop this lady up RIGHT THIS MINUTE and save her. She could actually be in real danger. This is not a drill. Jenny’s daughter Christina and her wife, Jen, echo these sentiments when they Skype with Jenny later.
Shocked and angry, they remind Jenny that – even if Sumit does love her and was forced into an arranged marriage against his will – he put Jenny in absolute danger by bringing her to India under false pretenses. What was his long game, anyway? None of this makes sense. MARRIED FOR TWO YEARS? How does that even happen? Where has the wife been? What has she been thinking? Are there children involved? AND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO JENNY?!?!?
What a goddamn nightmare. Not cool, Sumit. Not cool! All I have to say is this: Sleep with one eye open, my man. Daughter-in-law-Jen could be coming for you at any moment, and a few of us might be joining her in the ass whooping she’s about to procure.
(Photo Credit TLC)
What was Sumit’s plan? Should Jenny just cut and run? Is she in danger? Comment below!
Check out my recaps of 90 Day Fiance, Love After Lockup, Real Housewives – and more! – on my podcast, Pink Shade With Erin Martin (iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, Castbox, Acast). And join my Pink Shade Facebook Group to dish about reality TV all week long! Follow me on Instagram @erinleahmartin and on Twitter @ErinLeahMartin