90 Day Fiance The Other Way Recap: Rolling The Dice

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This week’s 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way was all about dildos and egos. Remember that Sex For Dummies book and purple vibrator that Laura bought back in the States whilst proclaiming in front of the entire world that Aladin terrible in bed? Yep. Me too. The problem is, Aladin is now being made aware of this top secret, yet filmed-for-public-consumption intel, and he is NOT A HAPPY CAMPER. 

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After their first night of jiggy-jiggy (and please, God, our last time hearing them refer to their 2-minutes of intercourse as “jiggy-jiggy”…?!?), Laura presents Aladin with her giant purple dildo, which he thinks is a jaunty microphone. But nooooo. It vibrates! It penetrates! It goes to places no Aladin has dared to go before! Upon realizing its purpose, Aladin wants nothing to do with it. In fact – he wants nothing to do with Laura either. 

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Stomping out of the apartment and shouting things like “F**k you! I am MAN! I am ENOUGH!” Laura whines and whimpers, finally convincing Aladin to come back in if she promises to throw the vibrating thing of evil in the trash.

Temporarily forgiven (but permanently resigned to a life of underwhelming jiggy-jiggy), Laura is at least excited to go out on a proper date with her husband later. So what if he sucks in bed? He takes a great selfie, people! The amount of attention he gets on social media for his shirtless selfies is troublesome, however, and Laura is insanely jealous of the alleged ho-bags Aladin has been following on the ‘gram. So they fight like rabid animals all the way to the restaurant. Also, Laura schools Aladin on how cars work. This also does not go over well. 

Sigh. WTF is this guy supposed to do now? He can’t “give her a little block” now that she’s literally living with him. And, ummmmm, he certainly can’t make it up to her in bed. #JustSayin #GoWaxYourFace

Tiffany & Ronald

It’s the day before the wedding, and Tiffany’s sister and father are flying all the way to South Africa to see her marry an ex-felon, fresh out of Jesus Camp/Rehab. Yay! Last seen, Daniel was recovering from his crash course in Human Trafficking 101, but is now surrounded by lovely members of The Family Ronald to keep his spirits up. These people really seem to care for Daniel, which is comforting. 

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Two minor plot points happen in the getting-ready-scenes this week. 1) Sister Tiffany (Laura) gives her tearful blessing to Ronald after he swears he’s a changed man and will always love, cherish and protect Tiffany and Daniel. From being trafficked? 2) Father Tiffany has asked Ronald to pick him up from the CASINO he’s staying in (WHAAAAA?), which doesn’t bode well for a recovering gambling addict 6 days outta rehab. 

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Tiffany is freaked out, but hasn’t told her dad about Ronald’s little gambling/refrigerator pawning problems. Whelp! Let’s hope Ronald makes it to the wedding on time, or at least gets footage of him starring in Hangover III all by himself.  Also, we must discuss why Tiffany is demanding that Laura call Ronald “Brother.” All I have to say about that is: NO. 

Corey & Evelin 

There’s not much left to endear us to Evelin except maybe her work ethic, which is at least ten full notches above the average gold digger (See: Anfisa). But if Corey thinks this chick is going to swoon at his attempt to buy her love with $40K worth of property, well…he better start practicing some more card tricks for his next career as a professional clown. 

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All of the trashbox cars, beach front bars, and rusting apartments in Ecuador will not buy Evelin’s love! And she makes that clear when Corey – in his signature whine  – brings up wanting kids and marriage with her in the future. 

As they get their bar ready for the season and discuss all the new purchases they’ll need to make, Evelin shuts Corey’s meanderings about “love” down flat. “That’s not my dream at all. AT ALLLLLLLLLL,” she declares. Nope.

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She only wants to 1) make money and 2) make more money. Corey is nothing more than a means to an end for Evelin. And while she might string him along in her scramble to the top, Evelin seems like the type that will push you straight off the mofo cliff once you get there. She is SAVAGE. And Corey is a mealy-mouthed simpleton for thinking otherwise. 

Paul & Karine 

Good news: Paul survived his boat ride and Karine survived Paul. When they get to Karine’s home, her mother is thrilled to see her. As for Paul, not so much. She’s like, “Hey, Paul” then deadpans to Karine after Paul disappears, “Ok, let’s go inside with that jerk now.” Thus, we learn that Mother Karine is kind of an AWESOME badass. And as we must remember, this is not her first trip to Planet Paul. 

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“At least he’s doing something with his life,” sighs Karine later on as she and her mom watch Paul help Father Karine in the yard. Sure, Paul may be getting to know more about the finer points of yardwork, but dude – he’s still an alleged terrorist! And Parents Karine are not pleased to hear this news (via iPhone translator). 

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Father Karine, who used to be a cop, is all, HE NEEDS TO HANDLE THIS IMMEDIATELY!!! But Paul is resigned to let the lawyers handle it rather than run screaming into the jungle again while Karine and the camera crew get mugged. This, my friends, is considered progress. 

Jenny & Sumit

It’s a sad day for Jenny, you guys. She’s gonna have to wash her hair and cut those calcified toenails all by herself! It just ain’t right. Alas, Sumit must journey back to his parents’ house before they send a torch-bearing mob straight to his doorstep demanding answers. 

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Although Jenny is freaked the FRACK out about him abandoning her to the cold water apartment with unmanned nail clippers, she knows he has to face the music. So Sumit leaves her with enough sustenance to last her a week – like a cat – before he takes off. (Please, Jenny, just promise you’ll shower. For us. #ForScience)

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Until then, thoughts and prayers go out to Jenny during this trying time of feeding and watering herself.

BE STRONG, GIRL! <fist bump>

(Photo Credit TLC)

Can Jenny survive on her own? Is Evelin ever going to marry Corey? Are Laura and Aladin doomed to a life of 2-minute jiggy jiggy? Comment below!

Check out my recaps of 90 Day Fiance, Love After Lockup, Real Housewives – and more! – on my podcast, Pink Shade With Erin Martin (iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, Castbox, Acast). And join my Pink Shade Facebook Group to dish about reality TV all week long! Follow me on Instagram @erinleahmartin and on Twitter @ErinLeahMartin