This week’s 90 Day Fiance The Other Way is all about crooks and liars. And before we get to the giant lie happening over in India, let’s just say that anyone named Sumit right now is on notice. Because female twitter is coming for you, dude. Before we get to that disaster, we’ll start with the crooks.
Playing house is not going well at the Hamily Jihoon Homestead. On night one, Deavan stayed up all night with the baby while Jihoon concerned himself with the needs of Bbakki, the purse-dwelling dog. (Okay, the pooch is super cute, but still.) Deavan doesn’t see how Drascilla can come over to live in this cramped space, let alone learn the confusing toilet buttons.
At least Jihoon’s anal cleansing practices are on point. As he explains the hamily bidet to Deavan – “It clean your asshole!” – he brags that “My whole hamily’s anal is SO clean!”
Alright, guys. Can we just pause here for a moment to appreciate the fact that Jihoon and his motha hucking hamily are bringing 99% of the A+ comedy to this show? Yes, he’s an immature man child. Yes, he’s jobless and feckless and has an unfortunate hairdo as of late. But, damn! His commentary on clean anals, etc, is ev-ah-ree-thaaaaaaaang.
Alas, Jihoon is a criminal. Apparently he’d been fixing stolen smartphones on the black market for years, eventually getting caught and fined by authorities. At an outdoor lunch of live worms and grubs (ok, it’s octopus, but come on!), he confesses having had $30K in debt at one point, but only $5K left to pay down now.
All illegal activities aside, Jihoon seems proud to tell Deavan he’s making $4K/month now as a delivery driver. Deavan, who appears to be the most patient human on earth, just sighs when she hears about Jihoon’s ridiculous circumstances. Also, she was forced to eat raw, moving tentacles mere minutes before this pitiful confession…so maybe she’s just trying to keep the vomit below neck level?
Whatever. The entire situation is sickening, no matter how you slice/dice/chew/pop it.
Paul & Karine
When Paul returns to the maternity center with the myriad stuffed animals and weird sh*t he grabbed from their apartment, he finds a laboring Karine in major pain. She doesn’t have the strength to kick Paul out of the room again, so he gets to stay.
But wait – OMG! There’s no doctors or pain meds available right now!!!! Even Paul is disgusted with this f**ked up situation. He runs to find a doctor somewhere – anywhere – before Karine gives birth with only the help of her mother and (GASP!) Paul. Seriously, I can’t even make fun of Paul’s feet running in opposite directions down this hospital hallway right now because this scene is SCARY. Poor Karine. 🙁
Finally, Baby Pierre is born – and with a doctor present! Whew. Karine is a total trooper, delivering her healthy baby boy with Paul and her mother by her side. “You did it! You did it, sweetie!” cries Paul while Karine holds her beautiful son on her chest. Awww! Babies!
“He’s beautiful, perfect – blue eyes, full head of hair and he’s really white – that’s definitely my son!” cheers Paul, who suddenly no longer requires a DNA test from his wife and is already eyeing up Pierre’s head for the new hairball he’ll be adding to his collection. #ItsTrue #SerialKillerVibes #NeverForget
Laura & Aladin
Laura and Aladin’s wedding is almost here, and Liam has arrived to save the day! Before he shows up, Laura sports a hat stolen straight from the set of Blossom while she tries to make Aladin uncomfortable discuss jiggy-jiggy for the 4,000th time.
She’s still not satisfied with Aladin’s bedroom prowess. In fact, she rescued the purple dildo from the garbage and plans to use it until further notice – even though Aladin protests his #MadSkillz.
“I am very good man in the sex. Don’t worry about me,” defends Aladin. Mmmkay dude. You only have about 1.6 million viewers to convince from here to eternity. No prob!
When Liam finally arrives, he’s also sporting a jaunty hat and cape made exclusively from stolen airplane blankets. I think I’m in love. Liam’s attitude has only gotten worse on the trip over as well because, yo, he really hates Aladin now. After Laura cries and hugs her son, Aladin asks if Liam would like to meet his family. Liam’s all, “NOPE.”
Aladin can’t believe how rude his future son in law (who is approximately his same age) is being. Liam can’t believe he flew all the way to Tunisia to face off with an Instagram trainer who convinced his mom to give up central air and bingo night for a life of long sleeves and mediocre jiggy-jiggy. I can’t believe we have to wait until next week to see the real fight! Ugggghhhh.
Jenny & Sumit
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS STORYLINE! Nothing about it is okay, including how much I cried when Jenny hugged her daughter, Christina, and her wife, Jen, goodbye. In their tearful parting, Christina begs her mom to reconsider marrying Sumit.
“You make him grow the f**k up and take care of you,” cries Christina as she hugs her mom goodbye. Hasn’t seven years been enough time for Sumit to sh*t or get off the squatty pot? My god.
“I’ll come back and kick his ass,” promises Jen, who looks like JUST the chick we need in our corner right about now because – SOUND THE ALARMS! – Sumit is already married. Yes, married. And it looks like Jenny, who’s growing more suspicious by the day, actually finds the hard truth out next week.
Here are some theories on what’s going on: Jenny and Sumit truly fell in love, then she came to stay with his parents in the past who had no idea that Jenny was more than a friend. Sumit may have had a marriage arranged for him before, during, or after that trip – not a love match, but something his parents wanted. Sumit kept this secret from Jenny because he does love her, but still ended up stringing his wife and Jenny along with no actual plan of solving this clusterf**k.
Now, here are some facts to consider…
FACT: Sumit catfished Jenny as “Michael Jones” in the beginning. He was a liar from the jump.
FACT: Jenny was definitely not the only person he catfished, just the only one who bit. Sumit was on the hunt.
FACT: This does not look like the face of someone who was “going along with a lie for TV” the whole time. When Jenny discovers the truth next week, she seems totally blindsided.
FACT: Jenny would not have sold all of her things and left her entire life behind to be a 3-month side chick. Jenny’s family wouldn’t have allowed it.
FACT: SUMIT SUCKS.
(Photo Credit TLC)
How do we get Christina’s wife, Jen, back over there to kick Sumit’s butt? Comment below!
Check out my recaps of 90 Day Fiance, Love After Lockup, Real Housewives – and more! – on my podcast, Pink Shade With Erin Martin (iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, Castbox, Acast). And join my Pink Shade Facebook Group to dish about reality TV all week long! Follow me on Instagram @erinleahmartin and on Twitter @ErinLeahMartin